Randomness with the Cullens
by RhiScissorhands
Summary: Funny little one shots about the Cullens. Most will have Bella as a vampire, but some might have her human. : R
1. You Can't Stop The Beat

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Hairspray. –sniff-**

Chapter 1: You Can't Stop The Beat

BPOV

Me, Edward, Alice, and Jasper had just come back from hunting. Esme and Carlisle were away on a business trip and we left Rose and Emmett at the house.

"_Good morning Baltimore!_

_Every day's like open door_

_Every night is a fantasy_

_Every sounds like a symphony . . ._" Emmett sang off-key.

"OMC! Is that what I think it is?" Alice squealed running into the house.

We all followed after her to see what was going on. In the living room was Emmett dressed up as Tracy Turnblad **(A.N: Pic of costume on my profile)**. We all burst out laughing and Emmett turned around.

"Oh. I uh . . . this uhh . . . this isn't what it looks like!" Emmett shouted as he turned off the CD player that had the soundtrack CD in.

"No-one is stopping you Emmett," Alice said turning the CD player back on.

The opening of You Can't Stop The Beat brought the room to life.


	2. We Wish You A Merry Christmas, jake

**Disclaimer: I do not (and never will) own Twilight. :'(**

**A.N.: I know it's not Christmas for ages, but this story popped up in my head on Wednesday. Lol. This is set the Christmas after Breaking Dawn.**

Chapter 2: We Wish You A Merry Christmas, Jake.

BPOV

Today was Christmas and we were all at Charlie's. By we I mean, me and the Cullens, Jacob and Billy, Sue and Seth and Leah.

We just finished a very awkward dinner and it was time to open the presents, yay.

When Charlie went to find his camera upstairs, Emmett picked up a large parcel wrapped up in wrapping paper covered with dogs and a bone shaped tag.

"Hey, Jake. This is from us." Emmett said as he tossed the parcel at Jake.

Jake opened the parcel and opened the large box inside. When I saw the gift, I was struggling to keep a straight face. In the box Jake had received a dog basket and a dog bowl. Jake turned and stared at the Cullens with a look of shock and anger on his face. We all started laughing at his expression and Rosalie managed to say in between laughs, "Woof woof."

Charlie came into the room and stared at Jake's gift. "Oh no," he groaned.

Alice stole the camera from Charlie and Jasper forced Jacob to sit in the basket with the bowl on his head. Alice then took the picture of an angry, scowling Jacob.


	3. I am edward, Hear Me Roar

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or black pudding.**

Chapter 3: I am Edward, Hear Me Roar!

**EmPOV**

It was quiet, too quiet. Alice, Rosalie, Esme and Bella were out shopping and Carlisle was at work. Edward was up in his room, sulking. I was going to go look for Jasper when he came out of the kitchen and sat next to me on the couch.

"So, what are watching?" He asked, as he ate some unknown substance.

"Ummm," I flicked the channel. "Baywatch. What are you _eating_?" I asked staring at the black sausage thing on his plate.

"Oh, this?" He said looking at his plate. "It's black pudding, I made it myself."

"Well why are you eating it if it's human food?" I asked disgusted. It actually smelt good, like grizzly or mt. Lion.

Jasper laughed at my expression.

"I can eat it because it's made of blood. I was flicking through Esme's cookbook and found it in there. You were meant to use pig or cow blood but I put in grizzly and mt. Lion. Want some?" I nodded and Jasper gave me some.

Once we had finished it off, Jasper turned to me. "Wanna mess with Edward's emotions? Make him do stupid stuff?" I smiled eagerly and nodded my head.

I don't know what emotion Jasper did but Edward came running downstairs in a lion suit and started crawling around the floor. He crawled up to me and jasper and shouted " I am Edward, hear me roar!" and ripped of the costume revealing his boxers and a Spice Girls T-Shirt just as Bella walked into the living room after going shopping.

"WTF?" Bella asked as jasper threw a wave of embarrassment at Edward. Edward grabbed the lion suit and ran up the stairs and locking his door.

Esme turned to look at me and Jasper, "What did you do?"

"Err, nothing."


	4. Emmett's Turkey Dinosaur Army

**Disclaimer: I will never own Twilight . . . or Bernard Matthew's Turkey Dinosaur.**

Chapter 3: Emmett's Turkey Dinosaur Army

**EPOV**

I came downstairs to grab my car keys and go pick Bella up from Charlie's when I saw Emmett sitting at the coffee table. Out of curiosity I walked over to see what was going on.

"What are you doing Emmett? And is it anything to do with these turkey dinosaurs?"

Emmett quickly glanced at me and turned back to the dinosaurs on the coffee table.

"Quick men! You must go back inside the barracks!" Emmett whisper yelled as he threw the dinosaur in a bag.

Emmett turned around and looked at me.

"Hello Edward, Eduardo, E-man, Eddiekins." Emmett said smiling.

"Emmett what are those things?" I asked, pointing to the bag.

"Bernard Matthew's Turkey Dinosaurs. I had them shipped over from England." Emmett said proudly.

"Why do you have them since we don't eat human food?" I asked him as he looked in the bag.

"I don't think I should tell you. Ask Major Whitlock." He replied, shrugging

"Jasper come down here now." I called up the stairs

"Yes Edward?" Jasper said as he sat down on the sofa.

"Emmett said that I had to ask Major Whitlock why you have turkey dinosaurs. Major Whitlock why do you have turkey dinosaurs." I asked, humouring Emmett's little game

"Why, Emmett's turkey dinosaur army of course!" Jasper exclaimed.

"And why does Emmett need a turkey dinosaur army?" I asked waiting for their stupid reply.

"World domination of course." Emmett replied as if it was obvious."

I sighed, shook my head and got up and left for the garage.

* * *

**A.N.: R&R, suggestions are welcome!**


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